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Remember rock-paper-scissors? When I was young, we used this game to settle disputes or simply as a way to have fun. The scissors cut the paper, the rock smashed the scissors and the paper covered the rock. We also used to play board games like Scrabble, Yahtzee, Monopoly, checkers, Sorry! and backgammon for hours, and of course, card games were a favorite for some.

I have vivid memories of playing pickup sticks with my mom. She would use this time to talk to me about an array of things. The benefits from playing these games were priceless: talking with friends and family, sharing thoughts about life, engaging in real dialogue and effectively dealing with our emotions, while still having fun. These moments also brought us closer together.

Comparing that time to now, it seems like centuries ago. I recall asking students about different board games they play. Many of them looked surprised. A few said they’d played a board game before; however, I think they said that out of respect for me. Most simply didn’t respond.

In many respects, these games have been replaced by cellphones and other devices. Watch children with their parents at the store, and you’ll often see many engaged by their phones, and rarely are the parents and kids talking to each other. I often think about the time that is being lost or wasted between parents and their kids.

Economists would call this wasted time an opportunity cost. In other words, the benefits that come from parents and their children talking and sharing their thoughts are lost.

Even when considering infants, who haven’t developed language skills yet, sociologists and psychologists recognize how important it is for parents and children to communicate. Through a process called “serve and return,” babies learn to express themselves facially and vocally. The nurturing parent or caregiver returns the facial and vocal expressions in a manner that is hopefully supportive and reassuring to the baby.

As children grow into preteens and teenagers, that need for reassurance continues. Unfortunately, in far too many cases, cellphones and social media are replacing those precious moments and are in some sense serving as surrogate parents.

It’s not an indictment of parents. The demands on parenting are unprecedented. Simply put, we all recognize that it’s difficult being a parent: work-related stress, the need for two incomes or the challenges of being a single parent, and the internet-driven influences on youths. The pandemic exacerbated these difficulties. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, families with children have faced an enormous amount of stress from losses in economic and psychological support.

All the more reason, then, why it’s necessary to bring this issue to the forefront and perhaps start a movement in which we promote board games and traditional family moments, while putting down gadgets and phones.

Educators attest to why this is necessary. They express concern over the growing number of our youths who struggle with their emotions, as evidenced in tantrums, excessive crying, fist clenching and acts of physical or verbal aggression in many schools. When these children reach young adulthood, it can get worse. These are indicators that children are lacking communication skills, not to mention emotional maturity, that are so needed as they grow up. The phones we hold can’t replace those times of talking and looking into the eyes of others.

So, as the holiday season approaches, let’s put some of those once-heralded board games under the Christmas tree. Make it a gift that you buy for your family. And designate a day each week, when children don’t text each other in the same house but truly talk and engage with one another.

Our youths need us more now than ever before. We all have experienced uncertainty over the last couple of years that has taken its toll on us.

We often ask ourselves, “What is going on with today’s youth?” We seem unable to understand them or are perplexed by decisions they make. More times than not, the answers are right in front of us.

I often tell myself that time spelled backward is emit. To emit means to put forth and produce. We can set the stage for the development of future generations. We can produce thoughtful and productive youths if we take the time to do so.

Jerald McNair, who has a doctorate in education, is a principal in South Holland School District 151.

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